NOBODY SAID WRITING BOOKS WAS EASY!

IT'S SO MUCH FUN CREATING A MONSTER!

I love creating a baddie - they're so much more colourful than the goodies. Here's Great Aunt Dorothy from my children's novel THE MYSTERY OF CRAVEN MANOR:

As his eyes became accustomed to the dimness he saw something bulky in the corner, motionless in the shadows. Then the hum of wheels and Great Aunt Dorothy moved forward to greet him. He tried not to stare at the grotesque figure in the wheelchair. Great Aunt Dorothy was immense. He thought she was probably the fattest person he had ever seen. Her flesh - so much flesh that it overflowed the sides of the chair - was swathed in black, and in spite of the warmth of the day a fur cape hid her shoulders. Her dark hair was coiled in an elaborate pyramid of curls, held by a large tortoiseshell comb. Matt wondered if it was a wig. He wondered if she was bald underneath.

Thick white powder clogged the heavy folds of her face and neck. Against the whiteness her scarlet lips and the dabs of rouge on her cheeks gave her the look of a sinister clown.  Her eyes were sharp and black as basalt. 

On her lap was a large open box of chocolates. A plump hand hovered over it, chose and popped one into the scarlet circle of her mouth.

'You may sit on the bed,' she said. He stared at the rumpled satin sheets. A heavy musky scent rose from them.

She laughed, a slurpy chesty laugh that set her mounds of flesh shaking in several directions at once.

DESIRE AND OBSESSION

These are really strong, meaty themes in a novel. When you encounter them, it's hard to put your book down, turn off the light and go to sleep.

Here are some unforgettable characters whose lives revolved around one or both of these themes: 

JAY GATSBY

Jay Gatsby's life is ruled by his obsession for Daisy Buchanan, a beautiful but shallow young woman who had a slight flirtation with him several years ago which she promptly forgot. But Gatsby can't forget her and everything he has done - the fortune he's amassed, the huge mansion he has rented on Long Island Sound, his incredible wardrobe of clothes, his possessions, his staff, the parties he throws for hundreds of minor and major celebrities, slight acquaintances and hangers-on - all of these have the sole aim of impressing Daisy when he meets her again. (THE GREAT GATSBY by F Scott Fitzgerald)

THE SECOND WIFE

The shy young second wife of Maxim de Winter is timid, inexperienced, gauche and lacking in confidence and self esteem. After a -whirlwind engagement and marriage she becomes the mistress of Manderley, Maxim's legendary Cornish house. Everywhere at Manderley she finds traces of Rebecca, Maxim's beautiful first wife who died in mysterious circumstances. The second Mrs de Winter, who is never given a name by the author, thus making her even more insignificant, becomes obsessed with Rebecca, comparing herself unfavourably with her predecessor. (REBECCA by Daphne du Maurier)

MRS DANVERS

Mrs Danvers is the housekeeper at Manderley who doted on Rebecca and enshrines her memory. She is resentful of Maxim's new wife, still fiercely loyal to her beloved Rebecca and refuses to let anyone usurp her place, even though she is dead. She keeps Rebecca's bedroom, Rebecca's clothes, even the nightdress she had last worn, exactly as they were, and does her best to destroy Maxim's new marriage. (REBECCA by Daphne du Maurier)

MISS HAVISHAM

Miss Haversham was jilted on her wedding day. On that day her life stopped, and in the decades that follow she has become obsessed with taking revenge on men through the medium of the young Estella. Her obsession has warped and twisted her mentally and physically, so that she has become a cruel and monstrous person. But knowing of the tragedy and humiliation that befell her, the reader can't help but feel sorry for her. On the one hand we see a monster. On the other, we have a vision of an innocent, trusting and happy young girl experiencing a terrible rejection. (GREAT EXPECTATIONS by Charles Dickens) 

USING ALL THE FIVE SENSES

Bring the settings of your story or novel to life by using as many senses as possible. Three examples below.

A LEAFY STREET IN A WEALTHY SUBURB

The street dreams in the sleepy afternoon sun. The great oaks and sycamores that shadow the manicured  lawns are still. Not a leaf trembles, not a bird stirs to search for food or to send a message to its neighbours. High above the roofs of the houses an aeroplane travels slowly across the haze blue sky, so high it cannot be heard. A piano tinkles in a room somewhere. A dog barks half heartedly. It is three o'clock and the street waits. For the children to race each other home from school. For the husbands to motor back from the City. For the houses to shake themselves awake after their afternoon nap.

URBAN SLUM - 1930'S

The street was almost empty. Head down, Jenny plodded stolidly towards the corner, eyes focussed on the stained and spotted pavements. Midday meals were being eaten behind net curtains, and the odours of fish and liver and frying fat and sausages fought each other down the long row of terraced houses. A greeting came from Mrs Fiskett, who was down on her knees scrubbing her front step. Her flowered pinny had soaked up the grey soapy water and her hands were reddened, almost raw. 

A NEGLECTED GARDEN

Years ago when the gardens were regularly tended they must have been beautiful, but now, like the house, they were abandoned and unkempt. Here and there the sweeping curve of a flower bed showed beneath the burgeoning weeds and in odd corners a few lank daisies struggled upwards through the summer strong nettles, but the unpruned roses were already gaunt and leafless, and ivy had strangled the gnarled old trees. Kathy ploughed through the orchard, unseen rotting apples squelching beneath her feet. The long grass billowed in damp hummocks around her legs.

ADDING DETAIL TO YOUR CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS

Getting to Grips with Character Descriptions

How to avoid the hackneyed 'reflection in a mirror' trick. Show your characters through the eyes of others or through dialogue or action. Here are some examples from my books:

Someone prodded me in the small of the back. I turned sharply, ready for an argument. The prodder was a woman. Small, middle aged. Round face, round eyes bright with recognition, faded curls below a yellow beret. A dumpy body buttoned tight into a brown tweed coat. A small pink mouth furrowed in disapproval. (I Knew It Was You.

The words are those of the main character, a middle aged accountant)

At the table on my right the interviewer is a young woman, pleasant faced and smiling, but at the moment she's trying to pacify the traveller sitting opposite. He's about fifty, overweight, flushed to the colour of a cranberry and in danger of exploding like a shaken up bottle of fizz. He's dressed as I imagine an affluent middle class guest on a cruise to dress: navy blazer, cream trousers pressed to a knife edged crease, a blue and white striped shirt. And a cravat. His wife, quiet but obviously tense, wears a button-through beige linen dress with hair and complexion to match.

'Now look here, young lady!' The man is practically spitting at the interviewer. 'I don't know what this is about but if it's part of the holiday cruise I shall be demanding a refund. This is disgraceful treatment!' 

Three characters described briefly by the main character, a stroppy young woman.

The barman who fetched my beer was a mountain of a man with a greasy ponytail and a tightly stretched tee shirt stained with sweat at the armpits. He took an age to reach my table and I watched the foaming liquid slop over the edge of the glass with every heavy footstep, until when he finally reached me more than a third had escaped. 

Here's an exercise to try. Describe a middle aged man standing outside the gates of a primary school -
a) through the eyes of a child in the playground
b) through the eyes of a teacher on playground duty
c) through the eyes of a mother waiting to collect her child
d) through the man's own thoughts

HOW TO WRITE EXCRUCIATING LITERATURE

A short lesson on how to improve(?) your writing skills.

When writing dialogue, don't use 'he said', 'she said'. There are so many wonderful alternatives:
'Help me,' she screeched. 'That's funny,' she giggled. 'My God!' he ejaculated. 'Is it raining?' he enquired. 'Come here!' he demanded. 'Go away!' he shouted.
Most published writers use 'he said' or perhaps 'he asked' most of the time, but it's nice to be different, isn't it?

What about adverbs? Lovely, aren't they? And they add to your word count. Here are some examples of tautology (ie saying the same thing twice over):
He hissed sibilantly, she laughed merrily, he shouted loudly, she ran quickly, he ambled slowly. 
Well, some readers are a bit thick, aren't they? They need that extra explanation.

What about word length? Naturally you want readers to appreciate your literary skills, and short simple words won't do it, will they?
So get out that Thesaurus and look up as many multi-syllabic options as you can. And while you're at it, why not scrap those short pithy sentences for longer, more comnplicated ones?

There! Isn't that better? Your 1500-word short story is now 3000 words (and totally unreadable).

HOW LONG IS A NOVEL? HOW SHORT IS A NOVELLA?

A novel typically has around 95,000 words, although the range can cover anything from about 65,000 to say 350,000 or even longer. Children's novels for those who can read on their own may be shorter, say 35,000 to 40,000 words.

My own adult novels, those published on Kindle, are around 70,000 words, but if I were looking for a traditional publisher I would aim for at least 95,000 words to make the printing and distribution costs worthwhile.

A novella  is a short novel, say 20,000 to 40,000 words. It's difficult to get published traditionally in print, as the cost of printing outweighs its popularity and the price it can fetch in the bookstores, but it's now quite a popular format for e-books, eg Kindle.

The same rules apply for both novels and novellas.

Generally they must have a beginning, a middle and an ending. There should be a theme (which can usually be described in one word, eg loss, loneliness, courage, power, survival, ambition, greed, hatred, love, escape, justice, childlessness, disability) and a plot, which relates how this is overcome and reveals what happens first, what happens next and what happens at the end.

Writing a full length novel can be pretty hard graft, and it can be tempting to try and reduce your story to novella length. But generally a novel has far more 'meat' and gives you space to introduce more characters - oddball, funny or malevolent, but (of course!) always relevant to the overall theme and plot. 

WRITING 'REAL' DIALOGUE

'Real' dialogue in a story is NOT the same as dialogue in real life: So the first thing to do is to cut out all the Umms and Errs, all the Hellos and Goodbyes, discussions about the weather, etc. Then look at what's left and see how you can use it to reveal something about a) the characters, b) the plot, c) their relationship.

When someone reads a book, they see every word or sentence as having significance.

For instance, if a character says. 'I see they're having a sale at M&S tomorrow', the reader will think, Perhaps there's going to be a bombing there tomorrow, 200 killed, and maybe Tracey (the viewpoint character) will rescue the store manager and be offered a job in the next chapter as Chief Buyer!

Instead of which, there's just the usual boring Sale, or it's never mentioned again by any of the characters, and the reader wonders why it was ever mentioned in the first place!

So cut out all unnecessary information and use dialogue ONLY to advance the story in some way.

However, written dialogue should read - and sound - natural. Listen to those around you. People don't use whole carefully structured sentences, the exception possibly being politicians! In real life and in books people use half sentences, broken phrases. They interrupt each other. They interrupt themselves. They often finish each other's sentences.

FIRST DRAFT, FIFTH DRAFT - WHY BOTHER REVISING

However amazing your plot, however vital your characters, however seductive your setting, if your story/novel is poorly written it will be rejected.

So  revise, revise and revise again. Is your beginning attention-grabbing? Does your plot meander? Are there long periods of
nothing much happening?
What about superfluous adjectives, adverbs? Over-long descriptions? Telling, not showing?

What about the time scale? Have you allowed sufficient days, months or years for the action to take place?

I could go on forever, but why not make your own checklist? Here's a page from one of my own novels after a first time rewrite -, but not the last.

MINOR CHARACTERS

When A Character Comes To Life 

There's a minor character in my novel THE ARMCHAIR GUIDE TO HEAVEN who's stayed in my mind ever since. I see her so vividly although she has such a small part and appears mostly in the principal character's thoughts and dreams.

But somehow she has come to life and every now and then she gives me a nudge as if to say, 'When are you going to write about me? When am I going to get star billing?'

It started with a brief mention in Chapter 1: "...the clatter of dishes from the kitchen as Mum boiled the kettle dry and burnt the toast downstairs".

Later: "Mum, round faced and smiley, eyes ringed panda-like with far too much liner, hair bleached to the colour of straw. She used to cut it herself, pulling out strands to the length of three fingers and chopping them off without the aid of a mirror. I longed to give her a makeover."

Here's another reference: "The usual aroma of burnt toast drifts up the stairs. I can hear Mum arguing with Chris Evans on Radio 2 and I wait for the crash of china as she whips mugs and plates out of the cupboard. She's a multi-tasker, Mum is, but not very good at it. She's the most accident-prone person I know, mainly because she's impelled to do everything at the speed of light. I'm always telling her to slow down, the world isn't going to end tomorrow."

Well., that's Zoe's Mum, alive in Zoe's heart during her sojourn in Heaven, but still alive for me here on Earth even though the book is well and truly finished.

One day I think I'll make her the leader of a protest group, or get her elected to Parliament, or have her win the Lottery and buy an old people's home. Imagine the havoc she might wreak!

But that's for the future. I've too many other ideas to deal with right now.

Next time - Free Gift - an idea for a short story

WHAT EXACTLY IS A SHORT STORY?

A short story can be anything from 500 to 10,000 words. It's usually restricted to a single incident, a single episode in a character's life, a moment that changes someone's life or attitude in some way.

It doesn't necessarily have a beginning, a middle and an end. Sometimes it can be circular. 

There's no room for waffling, wordiness or over-long descriptions. 

Every word counts, every action is significant.

It should leave the reader feeling entertained, mystified, amused, thoughtful, disturbed, pleased or sad but, in one way or another, satisfied. Ideally, it should remain in the reader's mind for at least as long as it takes to read. A bit like a good poem, really.

Although it's short, that doesn't mean it's easy to write. 

In fact, it can be quite a challenge.

 Next time - When A Character Comes To Life

WHAT TO DO WITH ERIC

 Free Gift! An Idea For A Short Story 

I thought this up recently but I'm not going to write it as too many other projects have priority. So I'm throwing it open to anyone who's following this blog and would like to use or adapt it.

I think it would make a nice little black comedy. All I ask is that you let me have your comments.

Margaret, 50, is a widow. Her late husband Eric lives on the mantelpiece in the sitting room of her semi detached house in Kidderminster. Margaret hated Eric, a pompous, opinionated, mean spirited wretch, and was mightily relieved when he fell through the greenhouse roof and died.

Eric, The Not-So-Dear Departed

Eric's presence on the mantelpiece is a constant reminder of the miserable marriage she endured for 25 years. She longs to chuck his urn on the nearest rubbish dump, but every Sunday Eric's devoted Mum invites herself for tea and, while Margaret boils a kettle, prepares ham and tomato sandwiches and cuts slices from a Dundee fruitcake, Mum enjoys her weekly chat with her lost and much lamented son.

So how can Margaret possibly get rid of Eric? Perhaps the only solution is to get rid of Eric's Mum.

Why Start At The Beginning?

Beginnings are really crucial. How often do you pick up a book at the library or book store, glance at the first page and put it back on the shelves? But if you get past the first page, the first chapter, you'll probably want to read on.

In the good old days, before television and computers and Facebook and Twitter, perhaps readers had the necessary patience and concentration to follow a leisurely exploration of someone's life. Nowadays our attention span is much shorter. None of us wants to wade through whole chapters waiting for something to happen.

So don't start at the beginning. Start in the middle, with a real attention grabber, something that will hook your readers and draw them instantly into your story. A crisis, a murder, a love scene, a quarrel. 

Imagine your character in a situation that's dramatic, funny, emotional or atmospheric in some way and start at that point.

There! Isn't that better?

Next time - What exactly is a short story? How is it different from a novel?

WELCOME FELLOW WRITERS!

 This is my first post, and I can hear you sighing already. 'Oh no, not another blog on HOW TO WRITE, or HOW TO GET PUBLISHED, or even HOW TO GET RICH.'

Well, yes actually. Perhaps not the getting rich part  as I haven't had that pleasure yet, although last year I found myself unintentionally on the first step of that ladder.

I've told this story before in an earlier blog, but it still makes me smile, and I hope it will make you smile too. I call it 'Erotica or Notica'.

If you've ever published through KDP, Amazon's Kindle publishing arm, you'll know that they ask you to choose a couple of categories and sub-categories for your book, eg Contemporary Fiction, Crime, Romance, Fantasy etc.

I was also planning to publish a book in the Children's Fiction section, I added a second category, Adult Fiction.  For some reason this translated into Erotica and within a week thousands of readers in the UK, USA and elsewhere had downloaded it and I had made a nice little packet. Not on a par with Fifty Shades, of course, but a pleasant surprise.

As there was barely more than a whiff of erotica in the story, I expect there must have been quite a few disappointed readers (and I apologise to them again,  but it was Not My Fault!)

The moral of all this meandering (and my first tip) is: GET YOUR CATEGORIES RIGHT. 

Next time: Why start at the beginning?