A short lesson on how to improve(?) your writing skills.

When writing dialogue, don't use 'he said', 'she said'. There are so many wonderful alternatives:
'Help me,' she screeched. 'That's funny,' she giggled. 'My God!' he ejaculated. 'Is it raining?' he enquired. 'Come here!' he demanded. 'Go away!' he shouted.
Most published writers use 'he said' or perhaps 'he asked' most of the time, but it's nice to be different, isn't it?

What about adverbs? Lovely, aren't they? And they add to your word count. Here are some examples of tautology (ie saying the same thing twice over):
He hissed sibilantly, she laughed merrily, he shouted loudly, she ran quickly, he ambled slowly. 
Well, some readers are a bit thick, aren't they? They need that extra explanation.

What about word length? Naturally you want readers to appreciate your literary skills, and short simple words won't do it, will they?
So get out that Thesaurus and look up as many multi-syllabic options as you can. And while you're at it, why not scrap those short pithy sentences for longer, more comnplicated ones?

There! Isn't that better? Your 1500-word short story is now 3000 words (and totally unreadable).