MY BOOKS

Joy Wodhams' books for adults and children are all available on Amazon - see link 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/JOY-WODHAMS/e/B00C8T4WOQ/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1 


ME, DINGO AND SIBELIUS
Charlie Churchill is the ugly duckling in a glamorous but dysfunctional all-female Liverpool family. She's the one who works a forty hour week, pays the bills and provides a modicum of common sense, plus - when she has time - a healthy cooked meal to balance the takeaways and ready meals the others thrive on. She's the one who looks like her deceased Dad, while Georgie and her illegitimate daughter Rosie (father the elusive Arsehole Alan) look like Mum. Slim, blonde, leggy and beautiful. It's too soon to tell with Georgie's baby Daisy (also illegitimate, father unknown but the consequence of a night's clubbing). Daisy, still bald-headed, currently resembles Harry Hill without the specs but will no doubt metamorphose into yet another blonde Churchill beauty. Charlie's escape from the shadow of her family is the Sundowners Retirement Home, where she has worked for the past five years as a lowly carer. Here, surrounded by her 'wrinklies' as Georgie calls them, she can forget her daily concerns: the fact that her life is going nowhere, that she's still a virgin at thirty-two, that there's no likelihood of ever finding a husband or having a family of her own, that she's insufficiently educated or qualified to climb the ladder of success. But when Dingo, her favourite resident, dies and leaves her a fortune, her life changes dramatically. How she copes with becoming a millionaire and carrying out his last wishes against a background of suspicion, envy, hostility and eventually a tragedy, is the theme of this novel.   

EMAILS FROM HEAVEN

Zoe Harper is dead. Everyone tells her so. But Heaven's newest arrival has no intention of remaining there. She is 20 years old, in the throes of a new romance and has a brand new career in journalism - so new that she hasn't even collected her first month's salary. 

Zoe is determined to return to Earth, regardless of any obstacles placed in her way, the most notable of these being her appointed guardian angel, Trevor, 8000 years old but still gorgeous. 
But in the meantime, she’s writing her Armchair Guide to Heaven. 
For instance, would anyone on earth know you can still get a Full English Breakfast - without the risk of a clogged artery? That angels don’t have wings and are more likely to wear white jeans and a medallion than frilly white gowns? That the newly dead arrive by cruise boat, train or even flying carpet? 
As for sex - well, Zoe is still investigating that possibility. And her sights are set on Trevor. 
Zoe's experiences are by turn funny, moving and sometimes frightening, but she's not going to give up.

THE RELUCTANT BRIDE
Something happened in Gabriella Stevens' earlier life that caused her to distrust men – men, that is, of a certain type. At 24 she has never had a serious relationship and is still a virgin. Office colleague Rod Nicholson personifies that type. Too handsome, too confident, he is the focus of every female in the Company. Except Gabriella. She sees him as an amoral and unprincTipled sexual predator. Rod sees Gabriella as an old maid in the making, narrow minded and judgmental. 
When circumstances force them into
marriage, both are convinced that it is doomed to failure. Yet both must keep up the pretence – to Gabriella's silly, romantic mother, to the staff at the Company – that the union is more than just a business deal. Beneath the facade of a happy loving couple lie the stormy seas of jealousy, suspicion, anger and overwhelming desire.



NEVER SLEEP WITH A NEIGHBOUR!
Still smarting from her divorce, children's writer Ali Timms flees the world of weekly dinner parties, trips to the theatre and Jimmy Choo shoes to set up home in Framley Bottom, a sleepy Devon village where nothing ever happens. A dilapidated cottage, sans electricity, hot water or any form of heating, is all she can afford but she's happy to embrace the simple life. As for men, liars and cheats all, who needs them? 
She fills her head with visions of log fires, oil lamps, home grown cabbages in the garden, home baked bread on the table and maybe a few chickens to wake her in the morning. Most of all, peace so that she can concentrate on making a living from her books. 
But in less than twenty four hours Ali's rustic idyll is shattered by Dan Paterson, wealthy property developer, who has bought the only other cottage in the lane and is planning to transform it into a large and highly desirable country residence. Waking each morning to the roar of JCBs, the monotonous chugging of cement mixers and the loud but tuneless singing of Dan Paterson's men is bad enough, but when she discovers the local branch of the Women's Institute is planning a Festival of Romance, Ali is in despair. 

THE FLOATER         A collection of eight tales with a twist.
The Floater: An elderly man's anticipated honeymoon with his young bride goes disastrously wrong.
The Smile: An English couple take refuge in a mysterious Spanish village when their car runs out of fuel.
Monster: Two young children discover a monster in an empty house. But what sort of monster is it? And can they leave it to die?
Guessing Games: A regular commuter enjoys creating imaginary backgrounds for his fellow commuters, but one day he chooses the wrong person for his guessing games.
I Knew It Was You: A middle-aged bachelor accountant finds himself with an unusual stalker.
Doing It Oneself: Revenge is sweet, even after thirty years of marriage.
A Hiccup In Time: A time traveller visits the past to collect celebrity autographs.
Witch: Dread lies beneath the surface as a peaceful village enjoys its May Day celebrations.



THE GIRL AT TABLE NINE  People. Young, old, adults and children. Kind, cruel, loving and malevolent.
In the title story, THE GIRL AT TABLE NINE, two painfully shy people find happiness together
IN LOVE AND WAR,a middle-aged wife finds a devilish way to discourage her wayward husband's secretaries.
SPRING FEVER shows that discontented housewives had their counterpart in the Stone Age.
In THE LOVING KISS a woman whose husband is leaving her seeks comfort from her estranged mother.
SWEET SUE is admired by all, but what is beneath that saintly exterior?
In THE COLD ROOM neighbours scheme to rid themselves of the DIY couple next door.
THE GOOD NEIGHBOURS OF ROWAN CRESCENT become less so when one of their group loses her husband to another woman.




THE GIRL IN THE ATTIC
THE GIRL IN THE ATTIC   A moving story about two girls and an abandoned Edwardian mansion

There are similarities between the girls. Both are unhappy. Both feel they have been betrayed and abandoned by their mothers. Both are lonely. The difference is that one is alive. The other died seventy six years ago.Now the ghost of Helen longs to make Abi her friend, but how can she contact her, and how can she keep all the others away? 
As Helen becomes more possessive and her powers increase, accidents begin to happen. 
And through Abi's writing, Helen's terrible story begins to emerge.






CABBAGE BOY  An unlikely hero and a very strange mutant.

 Almost sixteen, Nick longs to be taller, braver, more athletic, more popular with the girls, more one of the guys. He also suspects that he's the only one in the class who's still a virgin.
Let's face it, he's a worrier, with more than a dash of OCD. At home he cleans up his messy sister's bedroom, colour codes his Mum's spice jars and his Dad's garden equipment, measures various parts of his anatomy every Sunday morning and has to have his Full English Breakfast arranged in the same order each week.Life brightens when he finds a girlfriend and falls in love with her. They've been together for four weeks and he's kissed her eighteen times, according to his notebook.But when Nick meets a strange and scary mutant and is forced to protect and hide him, his life becomes unbearable. Who can he turn to for help?Mum and Dad are busy line dancing, big sister Becca has lost interest and his girlfriend Chloe has moved on to a handsome six-footer who's captain of the school football team. As for friends, Nick doesn't 'do' friends. Or rather, they don't do him.A story about beauty and ugliness, about kindness and cruelty, about prejudice and understanding.


THERE'S A LION IN MY BED!  

That's Miss Lila's advice to Danny, who is desperate to have a dog
of his own. And 92 year old former film star Miss Lila should know. Her apartment at Marley Grange, where Danny's parents are caretakers, is full of her friends, famous actors like Humphrey Bogart and Marlon Brando who co-starred with her in the days of her youth. The only problem is, One, they're invisible, and Two, they're dead. But better than nothing, and if the landlords of Marley Grange won't allow Danny to have a real dog, an invisible one might just do the trick. Although not dead, of course. 
When he is foiled in his plan to smuggle a puppy into the basement boiler room, he decides he will try to create his own. If Miss Lila could do it, why shouldn't he? "Concentrate and believe," she had said, and that night, when everyone is in bed, that's what he does. 
But something goes wrong with his experiment, and the next morning he wakes to discover a large animal sharing his bed. Unfortunately it is not a dog. Danny has created a full grown African lion. 
The problems of keeping a large lion in a very small bedroom bring chaos to Danny's life, especially when the ever-hungry lion escapes to hunt small breed dogs in the local park and to steal sides of beef and pork from the local butcher's shop. 
In desperation Danny appeals to his parents, but as they can't see his lion (although they do complain about the very peculiar smell in his room) their reaction is to book Danny an appointment with a psychiatrist. 
A  funny and moving fantasy about an eleven year old boy and his unexpected 'pet'.



THE MYSTERY OF CRAVEN MANOR
When 11 year old runaway Matt Bright is rescued by Samantha and taken to her creepy home, Craven Manor, he has no idea that he's entering a trap. 
What is the mystery of Samantha's parents? Who is the sinister Mr Higgins? And the even more frightening Great Aunt Dorothy who lurks on the top floor? 
When Matt finds his life in danger he tries to escape, and there is only one route. And so begins the most terrifying experience of Matt's life. 

(Warning to readers: Do not try this at home.) 





THE FAMILY ON PINEAPPLE ISLAND
Pineapple Island (which despite its name won't be found in the warm waters of the Caribbean or the South Pacific, although you might find it on a map of Cumbria if you look through a large magnifying glass) is home to the Scarrot family, at first just Fred and Alice and their four children, Poppy, Jack, Jenny and Tommy. But then little Charlie comes along, and later Grandma and Grampa arrive laden with goodies from the grocery store they've just sold. And then there's the ever-silent Uncle Arthur and his wife, former dancer and pub landlady Aunt Mabel, still glamorous despite her varicose veins. 
As if a family of eleven isn't enough, this small island is also home to 24 Rhode Island Red chickens, an increasing colony of New Zealand White rabbits and, who knows, perhaps a cow or two in the future if Fred can find a way to rope them securely to his home-made raft for the crossing.

WRITING FICTION  A guide for beginners
Creating fictional people, putting them into scary or crazy situations – is FUN. Through all the hard work of learning the craft and producing something that others will want to read, never forget that.
There is an enormous, amazing, fantastic pleasure in creating a world from inside your mind that's totally different from anyone else's. As a writer you are never alone; the characters in your short story or novel will buzz around in your head, a second family, some lovable, some not so much, but all interesting.
Age is no barrier to becoming an author. There are many instances of writers who produce their first novel in their seventies or eighties. At the other end of the scale, 'The Young Visitors', a romance, was written by Daisy Ashford in 1919 at the age of 9 and, more recently, 'First Mission' the first in a spy fiction series, was written by Juliette Davies at the age of 8.
Education (lack of) is no barrier. Write the book and then find a friend to check it for grammar or spelling.
Lack of a private writing place or equipment should be no barrier. You can write anywhere: propped up in bed with a notebook, in a cafe with a laptop.
Lack of ideas should be no barrier. This book will suggest many approaches to finding and adapting real life events or situations.
Lack of time should be no barrier. If you can manage only forty five minutes a day by getting up earlier and can write only a hundred words in that time, your work will grow.
Your writing may never provide you with a living. Very few authors can afford to give up their day job. What it will do is add a new and absorbing dimension to your life.
(The above is the introduction to HOW TO WRITE FICTION, my e-book guide for beginners, available on Amazon at only £1.29.

The Boy Who Could Fly: A magical story of two boys, divided by half a century, linked by blood, by the circus and by their love of flyingTHE BOY WHO COULD FLY - A Circus Story
A magical tale of two boys, separated by half a century, linked by blood, by the circus and by an obsession with flying. Just before midnight on the 4th December 1941 a bomb fell on Number 23 Deremont Street. It killed Jamie Bird's Mum and Dad instantly and it buried Jamie beneath tons of rubble. 
That's when Jamie first had the dream. The dream about flying. And when he discovers a Victorian circus poster depicting a young trapeze artist, and learns that the 16 year old flyer, known as 'Una', was his great-aunt's brother, killed tragically while performing in 1891, Jamie's dreams become more frequent and obsessive. When he visits his first circus he realises this is what he wants to be. A flyer like Una. 

THE BOY WITH MY FACE - A Story about a Doppelganger

When Simon, a lonely 13-year-old, sees a photograph of a runaway boy in a local newspaper, he's shocked by the resemblance. Apart from the haircut and the clothes, it could be a photograph of himself. Determined to find him, he's helped (and hindered) by his stepsister, 11-year old Lissie,  he's determined to find him. This is a gripping and emotional family mystery, full of plot twists and cliffhangers, for readers of 10 years and upwards.





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