SHORT OF IDEAS? TAKE A LOOK AT THE WEEKEND NEWSPAPERS

I took the following headlines from those querky little 'fillers' that editors employ to fill the gaps on their pages.

Husband wins £25,000 for 'bereavement' after wife tricked him into believing the children he raised from birth were his, rather than the product of her affairs.

American farmer is eaten by his own pigs.

Mother ran brothel to pay for school fees.

Sex change wife murdered after husband discovered she used to be a man.

Scientists' 10-year tree experiment chopped.

Teacher shoots dead his own son in burglary.

Coma mother loses 13 years of memories.

Pub landlord's dilemma over body in the gents' toilet

French deer hunter shot by own dog.

 No extra words for this post - just a note that between now and Christmas I'll be giving 25% of my royalties to a local charity. 

 hope you'll enjoy reading or giving one or two to someone else. You'll find more information and a 'read inside' facility on Amazon for each book.

Happy Christmas!

 NEW BOOK COVERS

If you look at my Book Page, you'll see that my latest novel for middle grade kids, THE BOY WITH MY FACE  (published June 2021),  has a new cover. This will be the third. For various reasons I wasn't satisfied with the previous two (and I can't be sure I'll be satisfied with the latest one) but sometimes I just can't stop fiddling!

I've also changed both the cover and the title of another of my books. AFFAIR WITH AN ANGEL is now titled EMAILS FROM HEAVEN, and I've brought back my original drawing of Zoe, the heroine. I changed the title partly because I felt it gave the wrong impression. This is far from being the usual meet-up between male and female, and the 'Will they/won't they?' question. It actually poses a lot of theological questions - albeit in a slightly irreverent, but humorous way - and there's a mysterious twist at the end! 

AND ANOTHER BOOK (my 15th)

It's still just a pile of scribbled notes, but once again it will be about Heaven and Hell - although this time the humour will be really dark, and the sins much more weighty. Don't bother watching this space - I will be having my usual battle between hunching over my laptop to churn out chapters, and the pressing demands of the house and garden.

I'VE JUST FORMED A NEW WRITERS' GROUP!

Before Covid and lockdowns I hosted two writers' groups, each with up to ten members. Sadly, we had to disband and I've missed them so much. However, now I and my old and new friends are all double vaccinated, we have a new group which for the forseeable future is restricted to six members. Perhaps, if the time ever comes when we can raise two fingers to Covid, we can enlarge it again but meantime it's such a joy to get together and talk about our favourite subject - writing.

Our second meeting takes place next week and the main topic will be 'Settings' and how the choice of house, dwelling or habitat can trigger your creation of characters. I'm reminded of an old television programme 'Through The Keyhole' and the question 'Who lives in a house like this?'

Even in this small group, we are a mix - novelists, short story writers, children's illustrated book creators, and those still in the early stages of their writing life, and that should spark some lively discussions.

 My Doppelganger

   Many decades ago, in the days before discos, I discovered I had a Doppelganger. I was catching my breath between dances when this girl popped up beside me. ‘Hello!’ she said. ‘Haven’t seen you for ages. How’s your poor Mum?’

Well, Mum had had a slight cold but she was well past the sodden tissue stage. I didn’t recognise the girl but I’d never been good at putting names and faces together, so ‘She’s fine,’ I said.

The girl – Miriam, I found out - went on to mention various friends we had in common. I’d never heard of any of them but I spent so much time with my head buried in books that I could easily have mislaid a few acquaintances. So I went along with it and we had quite a nice chat. 

Over the next couple of months we bumped into each other several times and I got quite skilled at picking up clues and discussing our mutual ‘friends’. The last time I saw Miriam I was lying on a stretcher, having given blood and feeling quite drained, when I heard a voice from the next stretcher.

‘Hello! Fancy meeting you here!’ It was Miriam.

The chances of having an exact double are estimated at up to three trillion to one, and I never did discover the identity of my Doppelganger, our mutual friend, but more than half a century later the memory led me to write my latest novel.

‘The Boy With My Face’ is the story of Simon, a lonely 13-year-old who sees a photo in a newspaper of a runaway who looks exactly like him. It’s a gripping and emotional family mystery, full of plot twists and cliffhangers.

For readers of 12 years and upwards, it’s available from Amazon in both paperback and e-book.

AN ALPHABET OF SILLY VERSE - LETTERS A TO D

 A Break from Novel Writing

Sometimes we writers need a break from short story or novel writing, and for me an escape into poetry does the trick. My Alphabet Of Silly Verse is something I put together over two decades ago - I even created the illustrations - and I had a lot of fun. There are openings for poetry nowadays - WRITING Magazine, for example, has a large central section devoted to it, plus monthly competitions - so why not have a go?

There are 26 verses to my Alphabet - doh! - with some, but not all, having illustrations attached. I'm hoping to include them all in this blog over a period of time. Meanwhile, here are the first four:

An albatross called Arnold, a bird of great renown,

Was spotted over Heathrow flying upside down.

As he flapped above the runways causing chaos on the ground,

An Air Controller shouted out 'Clear off, you great white clown!'

We've no place here,' he angrily cried, 'for silly aerobatics.

If only it didn't bring bad luck I'd soon cut short your antics!'

Babe in black satin, dressed in mother's clothes,

A shiny scarlet sequin gummed upon her nose.

Babe in black satin, beads hung on her chest,

Bumps of socks and handkerchiefs stuffed inside her vest.

A centipede called Caesar was locked inside a freezer

With fifty chilly carcasses of beef.

When at last he was defrosted he was somewhat maladjusted

And had a hundred chilblains on his feet.,

In a dug-out west of Eden lived a daemon - don't say 'demon' -

Of his dipthong he was obstinately proud.

His real name was David but he wrote it D-AE-VID

And perpetually spelled it out aloud.

SELF PUBLISHING - HOW TO GET YOUR NOVEL NOTICED - PART FIVE

THE ALL-IMPORTANT BLURB

This is the short account of your book on its Amazon page (or on the back cover of a paperback) which every potential purchaser reads. Amazon allows you quite a lot of space for it. 2600 characters, no less, which is roughly 500 words, and it's tempting to use the lot. But control yourself! The blurb should be a teaser, not a spoiler. It should tempt, give clues, create the book's atmosphere - but it should not be a precis. It shouldn't tell the whole story. It shouldn't give away the plot, and it definitely shouldn't disclose the ending!

Many writers find it difficult to compose, but remember it's there to intrigue, to lure, to hint. Sometimes just a few lines will suffice, sometimes you'll need a few paragraphs. There are no rules. and you may have to make several attempts before you're satisfied. Look for other books in the same genre as your own. How do their writers tackle this difficult task? Examples are probably the most direct way of learning what you should or shouldn't write. Here are a few of my own:

THE BOY WHO COULD FLY
A bomb hit Jamie Bird's house during WW2, killing both his parents and trapping Jamie beneath the rubble for hours. Half conscious, he dreamed of flying through the air on a swing with long, long ropes, and the dream comforted him.
Now his only relative is an elderly great-aunt a long train journey away, who agrees reluctantly to give him a new home. There, hidden away in a suitcase full of faded photographs he discovers a Victorian circus poster depicting a young trapeze artist. When he learns that the 16 year old flyer, known as 'Una', was his great-aunt's brother, killed tragically while performing in 1891, Jamie's dreams become more frequent and obsessive.
When he visits his first circus he realises this is what he wants to be. A flyer like Una. And when his great-aunt threatens to send him to boarding school he decides to run away. To the circus.
A magical adventure story for 10 to 14 year old readers.

THE GIRL IN THE ATTIC
A moving story about two girls, one dead, one alive. Seventy six years ago Marshbank was home to young Helen Aylsbury. When writer Abi and her family move to the abandoned Edwardian mansion the ghost of Helen longs to make Abi her friend, but how can she contact her, and how can she keep all the others away? As Helen becomes more possessive and her powers increase, accidents begin to happen. And through Abi's writing, Helen's terrible story begins to emerge.

AFFAIR WITH AN ANGEL
Zoe Harper is dead. Everyone tells her so. But Heaven's newest arrival has no intention of remaining there. She is 20 years old, in the throes of a new romance and has a brand new career in journalism - so new that she hasn't even collected her first month's salary.
Zoe is determined to return to Earth, regardless of any obstacles placed in her way, the most notable of these being her appointed guardian angel, Trevor, 8000 years old but still gorgeous.
But in the meantime, she’s writing her Armchair Guide to Heaven.
For instance, would anyone on earth know you can still get a Full English Breakfast - without the risk of a clogged artery? That angels don’t have wings and are more likely to wear white jeans and a medallion than frilly white gowns? That the newly dead arrive by cruise boat, train or even flying carpet?
As for sex - well, Zoe is still investigating that possibility. And her sights are set on Trevor.
Zoe's experiences are by turn funny, moving and sometimes frightening, but she's not going to give up.

CABBAGE BOY
Nick is an unlikely hero. Almost sixteen, he longs to be taller, braver, more athletic, more popular with the girls, more one of the guys. He also suspects that he's the only one in the class who's still a virgin. Let's face it, he's a worrier, with more than a dash of OCD. At home he cleans up his messy sister's bedroom, colour codes his Mum's spice jars and his Dad's garden equipment, measures various parts of his anatomy every Sunday morning and has to have his Full English Breakfast arranged in the same order each week. Life brightens when he finds a girlfriend and falls in love with her. They've been together for four weeks and he's kissed her eighteen times, according to his notebook. But when Nick meets a strange and scary mutant and is forced to protect and hide him, his life becomes unbearable. Who can he turn to for help? Mum and Dad are busy line dancing, big sister Becca has lost interest and his girlfriend Chloe has moved on to a handsome six-footer who's captain of the school football team. As for friends, Nick doesn't 'do' friends. Or rather, they don't do him.This is a story full of humour, warmth and tragedy.It's about beauty and ugliness, about kindnness and cruelty, and about prejudice and understanding.

THE FLOATER (Here's a really brief one for an anthology of short stories)
A collection of eight tales of the macabre and the unexpected.
THE FLOATER and THE SMILE have a hint of the supernatural. DOING IT ONESELF describes a beautifully satisfying revenge. In I KNEW IT WAS YOU a man is pursued by an unlikely stalker.
Some of the stories are dark, some humorous, others just ... odd.
Some are for the nighttime, others might go nicely with afternoon tea.



























26
00 characters , say roughly 500 words