KEEPING SLIM WHILE WRITING FAT BOOKS

STAIRS ARE GOOD FOR YOU, CYCLING IS GOOD FOR YOU – BUT NOT DAYTIME TELLY

Writing is a sedentary unhealthy occupation. Bad for the eyes, bad for the heart, bad for the butt. They (the 'experts') say that having stairs in your house will give you an extra ten years of life. I hope it's true. I run up and down my stairs on average twenty or thirty times a day. I kid myself it's because I need the physical break from my writing, but it's usually because I've forgotten something that's at the top while I'm at the bottom, or vice versa.

However, it's not my only source for callisthenics. (That's a nice oldfashioned word. I don't think I've read it in a book dated later than the 1940s.) No, I also have an exercise bike (courtesy of a generous friend) and I do try to use it each day, although a little half-heartedly – meaning that I cycle until I've burned 10 calories (about 1 minute 4 seconds).

 However, I also have my old telly in the same room and I find now that if I switch on while I'm pedalling I'll cycle for much longer, and hence burn more calories. The problem is that daytime programmes are so banal I can't help feeling that while my muscles and my circulation are improving, my brain is turning to sludge.